Command Respect by Setting Boundaries
In the fine words of Aretha Franklin … “R.E.S.P.E.C.T …”
I love that song!
Do you get the idea that others lack respect for you, your beliefs, time and personal boundaries?
Do you have a boss that always expects you to pick up the extra tasks or maybe you’re the one waiting at the bar 30 minutes of more for your BFF to arrive.
It could be that you’ve been hesitant about setting those boundaries and following through with enforcing them.
Others, including the most important people in your life, may begin to take advantage of you if boundaries haven’t been clearly set and stated. Eventually, you’ll become angry and frustrated and those feelings could cause serious problems in relationships.
Has what started off as cutely finishing each others sentences become your other half speaking on your behalf, even when you’re sat right there?
It’s time to speak up and take back control.
Respect isn’t demanded, but it is earned through courageously defending and enforcing your boundaries in a firm but friendly manner.
Setting boundaries will definitely command respect for your feelings and values if you know how to enforce them. It does no good to write down what your boundaries are and how strongly you feel about them if you don’t follow through.
Here are some things you need to know about setting boundaries which will command respect from others and build healthy relationships:
- Put in down on paper. Everything you’ve recently felt about not being respected by others should be carefully thought out. Words that have been said or situations you’ve been bulldozed into and that are unacceptable to you should be analysed.
You should know exactly how you feel about the lack of respect by redefining your values. Values and belief systems change as we go through life and you may need to re-evaluate them periodically in your life.
- Communicate your boundaries with others. This is the tricky part. You don’t want to seem not compassionate and come across as mean or angry. But, you do want to be kind and explain how you’ve come to the conclusions about how you want and expect to be treated.
- Expect difficulties when you first communicate your boundaries. While some people will be openly pleased that you’re taking a stand to protect yourself, others may baulk at your newfound boldness. You may feel uncomfortable with your efforts, at first, but they will get used to the new boundaries – and so will you.
- Be flexible and understanding of your boundaries. Healthy boundaries don’t necessarily mean rigid boundaries. Healthy boundaries are based on a sense of mutual respect and the goal of a healthy boundary is that you gain more respect from others and have more self-respect for yourself.
Your mindset will eventually shift and you’ll realise that it’s perfectly okay for you to have boundaries which will protect you and garner respect from others. You finally get to define your life to be exactly as you want it to be and don’t depend on others for your acceptance.
I’ll leave you with Aertha’s take on boundaries and respect …