How to Deal With Worries You Can’t Solve
Someone once said to me “The things I worry about, don’t happen” I smiled and agreed, actually I often reminded that person of what they’d said when they’d tell me they were worrying.
I realised they were using this as a justification to worry!
Rather than a reassurance …
Mmm – how useful was that, I wondered.
When you’re a chronic worrier, unsolvable worries can be highly toxic to your physical and mental well-being. Also, if you’re a chronic worrier, you may think that every problem is unsolvable.
Learning how to distinguish between those problems you can solve and those you can’t in a realistic manner, is hard.
Getting to the bottom of understanding why you’re worrying about things you can’t possibly solve means searching deep inside of your emotional self to understand – why?
Why am I so anxious about _________ fill in the gap! We all have a worry ‘thing’
Figuring out why you’re so anxious about something you have no control over.
Require unfolding layer of emotions, looking curiously (not critically) at your inner workings and gently challenging your beliefs. I say gently, because who needs a tough tyrant prodding your worried self?
Worrying about a nuclear war falls under this category or worrying about the weather before your big day. It will likely never happen and you can’t control the weather, but you may be obsessing over it anyway.
As you begin to obsess about a problem, take a moment to open up an inner dialogue with your worry voice. Ask these question and try to answer them:
- Is the problem imaginary or truly imminent?
- Is the concern you’re feeling realistic?
- What can you do about the situation?
If the problem is not in your control, try to find the underlying reasons for the emotions you’re experiencing.
Have you been watching too much news? Are you feeling overwhelmed with the massive task of planning you wedding? Are you projecting yourself into an imaginary future where catastrophic events are happening?
Unsolvable problems have no action that you can take. For example, “What if my child gets into a car accident?” or “What if my husband to be has an affair?” are problems which haven’t happened and which you can do nothing about.
And so, they don’t deserve your focus.
Solvable worries are those where you have some control and can make a decision to take action. For example, if you’re worried about getting sick, visit the doctor for a thorough checkup to rule it out. It may be scary to make that appointment, but afterward you can rest easy – or take steps to fight it.
Talk to someone you trust.
Brainstorm solutions for what you’re worried about. The solution doesn’t have to be a flawless one, but when you’re focused on what you can do about a situation, the worry melts away and a plan of action takes its place.
Remember, progress not perfection. I heard Denzel Washington say that in a movie I watch the other night with my other half and it really resonated with me.
“Progress, not perfection …”
That’s much more empowering than constant worry.
Worrying can become an avoidance tactic that you use when you’re afraid of an outcome. Many chronic worriers endanger their health, relationships and much more by procrastinating about taking action – whether it works or not.
At least you’re attempting to do something about the problem.
Taking action can dissolve your worries quickly. Rather than crying and feeling sorry for yourself, you’re actually taking the steps needed to rid yourself of unnecessary anguish that’s hard on your body and mind.
Remember worrying is a habit, and bringing a habit into the conscious mind is enough to diminish it’s power.
Dare to share, what is your favour worry habit?
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